B List: Between books
C List: Harry Dolan--Very Bad Men.................................178/412
Going kind of leisurely through Martin Chuzzlewit. Parts of it I like, they are more or less characteristic Dickens in their humor, romance, high-spiritedness and so on, but then there are other parts--namely those with the undertaker and Mrs Gamp and that scene--that aren't making much of an impression on me. This is also on the IWE list, albeit probably 20 years away. Not so clear anymore that I'm going to make it that long. Nonetheless I expect to read it again and more closely, so I am getting what I can out of this reading and not sweating over it too much.
Harry Dolan is a writer in the crime genre. His books are praised, but I don't know if I'm going to finish this one. This kind of writing is too lacking in any sort of distinct or interesting voice for me. There's no kick to it, no poignancy, no absorption in the story. I don't think there will be too many more books of this kind anyway.
It's been a tough winter. After going through a period last year where I feel like I was happy, I have had a lot of anxiety because of that stupid kidney stone. I'm embarrassed to say that even though I am over it and feel fine, I am convinced that now that something has happened to me, the floodgates must be open and I am going to be imminently overwhelmed with medical problems that will prevent me from ever living my old normal life again. I am avoiding any further medical attention now that the immediate crisis has passed, because if you let them look hard enough they will convince you there is something wrong with you. I imagine now that I was impossibly happy my whole life before all of this happened (which obviously is not true) and that I will never be able to be happy again (which may be true). If I can hang on for 2 and a half weeks I am going to go to Florida, which is a trip I need desperately, as I haven't even been farther than Massachusetts since this time last year, and I've never gone this long without taking some road trip since I moved up here. I am counting a lot on this trip to restore me somewhat to feeling like my old self again, which probably is unrealistic, but maybe it will once I get there. There are still people older than me who are very active and travel and do all kinds of things. There should be hope.
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